distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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