how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize