I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize