While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
