Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
