Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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