If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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