and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just cropdusted the office
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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