That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
