dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize