okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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