I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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