somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
