i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
