I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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