my mouth tastes like poor choices
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
