I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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