I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
