chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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