Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She bit a glass in half.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
