Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The air taste purple.
Randomize
