I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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