hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
