bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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