Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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