Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Someone came in the potted fern
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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