Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Success! We fucked roommates!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
