I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
