We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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