the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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