What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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