why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
