lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
