i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
