She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
