You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
