Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
