I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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