a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
