Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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