Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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