somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
