rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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