The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have post one night stand depression
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
