I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
