Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
