i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
