I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
