I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
