You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
