I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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