Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize