yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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