I faked an abortion last night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize