In the future we'll all be gay
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
