she told me i tasted like america
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
