i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
