I want to make a zoo with you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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