yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
