they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
