i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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