laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
